This was written by my beautiful momma, Tawni Waters. And I could not possibly dream of saying it better, so here it is!
I saw the world once through the eyes of All, and it was perfect, all things breathing in and out in an endless symphony of harmony and love. I knew I was a piece of a great Whole, and that Whole, when seen in its entirety, went by the name of Love. I felt myself to be the object of intense and unfathomable love, though in that precious moment, I fathomed it. All things became beautiful and perfect, even the ugly things. I knew that God had never been far away, that I was, in fact, engulfed in God, that I was, in fact, a part of God. I knew that by touching the steering wheel, I was touching God’s face, that by breathing the air around me, I was breathing God. The illusion of separation vanished. All hatred, all guilt, all fear fell away, and I knew that we were all growing to become something that we already are. When we strip away the pain and the fear and the guilt and the rage and the hate, we are already One. Time is a gift, given to us, from the Whole to itself, to watch the beautiful and miraculous process of its coming to completion. A completion that outside of time and space, already is. So healing is not a process of change, but rather, a process of uncovering, a glorious process of peeling away the untruths that have been laid like black rags over the golden core of what we already are. We are one. We are love. We are loved.
I pray that this year, I will manifest more of the peace that already is within me. That I will honor myself with all of the tenderness, compassion, and kindness that I would give a child. Because within, we are all children, most of us scared and lost and desperately searching for a place of safety within a world that we perceive to be cold and dark and terrifying, suffering as we do under the illusion of separation.
I pray that when I hate, I will have the presence to look within and ask myself what is scaring me so much that I feel I need to protect myself with hate, and then offer that broken place within me the gift of perfect, Divine love, so that place heals and becomes love, offers love to the thing that it once believed it hated.
I pray that I will be given the gift of sight, so that I will see the Divinity within all things and honor every man, woman, child, dog, cat, tree, and cactus as I would honor God.
I pray that I would understand that in the reality that Is, this is all complete, that none of the lies and the pain and cruelties exist, that within even the most broken human there already exists a core of love, and while I may not be able to find it within myself to love the cruelty that their broken places are manifesting, I pray that I will find sight, to see beyond the cruelty to the golden core.
I pray that for me, there would be no us and them, only us.
I pray that the peace that is uncovered within my heart bleeds from me, creates a glorious and invisible sea of light around my being so all that walk into it, even those that do not understand it, even those that do not speak to me or look at me, even those that actively hate me, are touched and healed by the Divine love that is flowing through me.
I pray that I will remember what matters. Not money. Not things. Not achieving. Not earning acclaim. Just being love.
I pray that when I die, whether this year or fifty years from now, I will have burned a hole in the illusion of separation, a glowing, glorious, explosion of "let there be light" that expands and continues to burn and grow long after I, as I exist is this particular time and place, am gone.
And I pray that on the days I forget to do all this, on the days I forget what I am and manifest cruelty, I will have compassion on myself and thereby continue the process of becoming the peace that lives within me.
Blessings!
Serafina
1 comments:
Dear Serafina,
I had the golden opportunity to collaborate with Tawni Waters on two SMCC stage productions with her. I've seen enough to know that I truly believe her and that I believe in her.
There is a separation that exists between us that I am desperate to bridge. I need to let her know that I am amazed by her desire for peace and unity, and that I will remember her for all eternity as the most passionate, loving and magnificent person I've ever seen. I once told her she was an angel, and that was no exaggeration. I want to come to peace with her as much as myself this year, because I've never felt such genuine kindness that I wanted to return to her.
As long as she lives, I consider her a friend, and I hope that I can hear from her again and maybe ask her if she can be some kind of muse. I'm not trying to covet her, or divert her away from the path to her own peace and happiness. But I asked her if she could come see a movie with me, as it is my calling to experience the best of cinema and music and my quest to find love amongst the artifice. And I got misunderstood...big time.
Tell her I do not envy or hate her for such discretion, but it makes me appreciate her loving presence even stronger. She showed me nothing but kindness and mercy, and I tried too hard to convince her that it should be rewarding. I was foolish enough not to say outright that I needed her as a muse, because her company would have given me comfort and a chance to prove myself a thoughtful, talkative fellow.
Tawni is a true free spirit, and I wish we can reach a plane of solidarity because I really do love her as an inspiration, a collaborator and a friend. I get scared that my kindness overcompensates for life's bitter truths, especially my own doubts and feelings of inferiority. But if I have to skin the cat on my tongue with a switchblade, I will open myself up in 2012 to brilliant things.
We are passengers on the same light rail to peace, and I just need to tell her goodbye if that must be. And yet I'm desperate for a second chance, a need to tell her that every word of comfort and courtesy I afforded her was pure and driven by a selfless realm of friendly devotion. Bless her heart and soul, and may she please do the same for me.
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